Tonette Kelly

Life Is For Living and Learning

How Do You Measure The Value Of A Teacher?


I was speaking with a child today (aged 16) and she was telling me how at her school the Headmaster has a system where the teacher’s pay is linked to performance in O Levels and A Levels.

She told me that to her a Teacher’s pay should be linked to the positive effect they have on the student’s life.

My client was having problems at home and this had caused her to lose focus on her school work.

She was way behind with Maths and constantly in trouble, She felt she couldn’t catch up and her self-confidence was down.

My client felt it was all too much and wanted to ‘drop out of school’.

A Teacher she had had for 2 years took the time to ask her one lunch-time what the problem was.

She told him and he explained to her that rather than drop out of school and be destined to a life of poor salaries and struggle, she could simply drop maths.

The child did not have parents who discussed education options with her and this simple advice made a world of difference.

She took the Teachers’s advice and 2 months later she is back on track at school.

I wonder how you measure this type of value that a great  Teacher adds to a child’s life.

Tonette Kelly






September 10, 2012 Posted by | Children, Life, School | , , , , | Leave a comment

Help Your Children Build Great Habits. Habit 3 – Put First Things First.

Sean Covey teaches us that our habits make or break our lives.

 It is essential that we teach our children good habits if we want them to be happy and productive.

He focuses on seven essential habits. We have already looked at Habits No. 1 and 2.

Today we will look at Habit No. 3 – Put First Things First.

We have to teach our children that time is valuable and to make good use of it.

They need to learn to distinguish between what is important and really matters, what is urgent and demands immediate attention and what can wait.

If your child gets an Assignment and leaves it until the night before to do, don’t let their bad time management become your problem.

Calmly tell your child that they should have done it earlier and allow them to take the consequences.

This should teach them a lesson.

At the beginning of each work it is a good idea to spend some time sitting with your child and asking them to show you their work plan for the week and their Homework Program for the semester.

Together you can then work on time management.

It is not your job to save your child from consequences. It is your job to teach your child that there are consequences and that they should factor these in to the decisions they make. 

Tonette Kelly

August 22, 2012 Posted by | Children, Life, School | , , | Leave a comment

Be An “Olympic” Parent. Let Your Children Do Things For Themselves

In my dealings with children over the last two decades I have found that the children who are ultimately the happiest and most successful are the children whose parents let them do as much as possible for themselves, as quickly as possible.

For some reason, today, many parents seem to think that they are being good parents by doing as much as they possibly can for their children. They make their beds, do most of their homework, polish their shoes and expect very little from them in terms of helping with family chores. The child doesn’t really appreciate all this effort from the parent as it just becomes normal but they lose the opportunity to become independent.

I believe that the greatest gift we can give our children is to have the confidence in them to let them do things for themselves as soon as they are able and allow them to fail at times. THis is how our children learn and grow.

We need to find another way to justify our own existence – other than doing things for our children that they can quite easily do for themselves.

You are not being cruel or harsh by having high expectations of your children. You are simply doing your job and bringing your child up to be independent and thrive.

Try it. You’ll be amazed at the results.

Tonette Kelly

Parenting Coach





August 13, 2012 Posted by | 2012 Olympic Games, Children, Life, Parenting | , , , , | 2 Comments

Help Your Children Build Great Habits. Habit 2 – Begin With The End In Mind

Sean Covey teaches us that our habits make or break our lives.

 It is essential that we teach our children good habits if we want them to be happy and productive.

He focuses on seven essential habits. We have already looked at Habit No. 1 –   BE PROACTIVE.

Today we will look at Habit No. 2 – Begin With The End In Mind.

Sean says that we need to teach our children to work out what they are seeking to achieve  and work with them to develop goals for their life, so that they have a ‘road map’ for what to do.

This helps keep them on track and stops a lot of time wastage.

For example each Sunday night we might ask our children what Assignments they have that week and get them to make a plan of what they’ll do each evening. This helps keep them on track.

At the begiining of each term we might ask our children what sports they’d like to play and what they’d like to achieve at school that term. At the beginning of this term my youngest child said that he wanted to be dux in at least one subject at Presentation Night. This was a good goal as it meant that we could plan the steps and work necessary to achieve it.

The essential with your children is lots of talk and communication around what they are seeking to achieve.

Tonette Kelly

August 5, 2012 Posted by | Children, Happiness, Life, Parenting | , , , , | Leave a comment

Help Your Children Build Great Habits – Habit 1. Be Proactive

Sean Covey teaches us that our habits make or break our lives.

 It is essential that we teach our children good habits if we want them to be happy and productive.

He focuses on seven essential habits and today we will look at Habit No. 1   BE PROACTIVE.

This means we need to teach our children to take responsibility for their lives and not place blame. Our children need to know that they choose what they do, how they feel and how they react and that they must not allow other people or things to control them.

For example, we need to help our children understand that if someone says something mean to them they can let it ruin their day, or they can shake it off and think ‘oh well’ and move on. Every child has immense power and needs to know that the only way they lose it is by playing the victim.

Tonette Kelly

August 3, 2012 Posted by | Children, Life | , , , , | Leave a comment

Anxiety and Depression In Teenagers

I had a teenage girl see me today. She is suffering from anxiety and depression and is only 14.

Why? Because the other girls at school exclude her. She tries to fit in by wearing make-up and acting the way do around them, even though she hates how they act.

No-one has taught the child to value herself and that she does not neeed the acceptance of others. We are working on strategies so that my client can recognise the good things about her and be confident that these are enough.


She left today believing that she is a kind person. We achieved a lot.


Build your daughters up. Give them power.


Tonette Kelly



August 1, 2012 Posted by | Children, Life | , , , | Leave a comment

Leaving Your Child Home Own Alone

Happy Teens

I am often asked how old a child should be before you leave them home alone and there is no simple answer.

In the United Kingdom there is no specific age limit for leaving a child home alone but it is an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk. Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child alone and unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’ (Children and Young Person’s Act).

The test for you then is to determine the maturity of your child and their emotional and physical cabaility to be left alone.

The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) believes that:

  • children under the age of about 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
  • children under the age of 16 should not be left alone overnight
  • babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone

Some children may be mature and confident enough to be left alone at 12 years of age whilst others may not be ready until aged 14 or even later.

It is important to speak to your child about how they feel about being left alone. If they have no issue with it why not give them some test runs of an hour or so and see how they cope.

When you do leave your child alone:

  • leave a contact phone number for you and make sure you can answer it quickly
  • leave a list of contact people in case you can’t be reached for some reason
  • remind your child of your rules before you leave in relation to watching television, using the computer and answering the phone and door
  • speak to your child about what they should do in the case of an emergency (like a fire)
  • let your child know when you will be back and be on time
  • ask your child what they will be doing whilst you are gone

Before you leave check again that your child is happy to be left alone.

If not arrange a babysitter.

April 11, 2011 Posted by | Children, Uncategorized | , , , | Leave a comment

Does Every Girl Want To Be A Princess?

Is It Good To Be A Princess?

My daughter asked me the other day whether it would be good to be Kate Middleton and marry a prince.

I thought about if for a bit and then answered that it depends on how much she loves William. if she loves him a lot she will indeed lead a fairytale life as working together as a team they can achieve so much. Every door will open for them. They will, however, be forever under a microscope and their every move and word monitored, so the cost is high.

If their love is not deep and strong the restrictions will be unbearable.

I’d love to hear whether you would be happy for your daughter to marry a prince or you think the cost is too high.

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April 7, 2011 Posted by | Children, Life, Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment